Moon Shadow

Ms Z scared by CD player freakout following a short power surge. After calming her down, I lean over to give her a kiss, and she puts her arm around me when I try to leave. "Oh, thanks. Are you giving me a hug?" "No, that's for me. You'll break my arms if you try to leave."

Finally I tell her I have to go. Ms Z says in a jovial sort of way, "If the CD player gets confused again, I'll come and get you."

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Earlier, we were driving home from D's house and passed Catholic U's massive cathedral. Ms Z said, "Oh, Papa, look at that! I *do* want to get married. I want to get married there!"

Marriage Means Goodbye

Papa, I want to marry you!

Me, well, someday you'll find someone you love and you marry them.

But I want to marry you.

Well,I'm already married to Momma.

But I don't want to leave!

Oh, no. You don't *have* to get married. You can live with momma and I forever. And if you move out, you can come back. That's what being a family means.




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Thoughts About 'Discipline'

What do you do if she is throwing a tantrum at a store because she wants something or she touches a certain object over and over again even though you keep telling her that she shouldn't. I'm the one with the 1 year old son. I'm asking to learn, not to judge.

You know, the strange thing is, as "willful" as she is, we rarely have to deal with her throwing a tantrum in the store. Usually she's too busy with little tasks like putting fruit in bags, or keeping an eye out for some product to throw tantrums at the grocery store...

Some part of this is because we've never actually allowed her to have anything "impromptu" from the store. She knows we get what's on the list and nothing more. On the rare occasions she's asked for X, I ask her if she has enough money. Since she's 3, she usually doesn't. She gets mildly upset, and I say gently, "That's too bad. We'll have to try to remember to bring your money next time." or "You'll have to keep saving your money; maybe next time you'll have enough to buy it." Or whatever. We've been *very* consistent about no meaning no over the first years of her life.

The times she's thrown a tantrum elsewhere--for whatever reason--I usually pick her up and take her elsewhere (I'd take her out to the car, sit down tell her we'd go back when she thinks she can be helpful, turn on the radio, etc...) while letting her know I understand she's upset.

I think for some of this the hard part is *ignoring* your intuition... which will tell you that your kid's not giving you the obedience and props you deserve as a parent. The thing to keep in mind is that small children are *insane*. Given time, they get better at coping, at being rational creatures. It's about managing your own expectations as to what they're capable of, not about you getting your respect. Treat them the same way you'd treat a parent if she were suffering from Alzheimer's: with respect and gentleness, but firmness.

Hell, it should be a lot easier to treat your child that way since you know their condition's going to improve, not degenerate.